A Mama’s Guilt

I’m in a valley this week, friends. I’m burnt out. I’m tired. I want a nap. And because I’m feeling pretty low tonight I’m not sure I will be able to provide a positive message or offer uplifting words or share a parenting revelation at the end of this post.

I just spent all day cleaning up my house. Like, CLEANED. Every room got worked on. Every one! Let me get an amen from all those mamas that know what I’m saying. I dont think people know how rare it is for that laundry room to get a deep cleaning/organizing. It’s like an urban legend in the mom world. And after it all, after all that work, I’m still unsatisfied with what I did. I mean, I must be insane or hate myself or something. Who looks at a perfectly nice, just cleaned house and thinks to themselves, “I should of done more. I should have been better”.

I attribute it to the “Mom Guilt” factor. You are in a perpetual state of guilt. Either for ignoring the chores and spending time with your family instead, or for ignoring your family and getting to those chores. It’s guilt from being tired after a long day of work and not wanting to make dinner. It’s the guilt you feel when you miss your friends’ events and then the guilt when you leave your baby with a babysitter so you can have that movie night with your girlfriends. You’re always doing the most but feel like you’ve done nothing.

For the most part I live with this guilt pretty well. I prioritize the best I can and push things off for tomorrow. I stick the thing I didn’t do in a closet in my brain. I hide it under the bed. And most of the time I’m fine. But other times, like tonight, it’s like that closet just burst open and all those things I threw in there are tumbling down all around me.

To be perfectly honest I’m not sure what I’m to do with this mess. Remember I said I wouldn’t have any revelations at the beginning? Because I don’t know what to do. The best I can do right now is to sing Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel”.

Maybe here’s the message to take away if anyone else has ever felt like me. At the end of the day when you lay your head on your pillow and go through that infinite mental list of things to do, try to think of this one thing- I am enough.

Because I am enough. I did enough and I’m trying my best. And the rest will get done. Or not. It’s fine.

Perfect (and FAST) Date Night Look for Mamas

Remember when you had HOURS to get all dolled up??? You could take a bubble bath, paint your nails, curl your hair, and you could do your makeup without someone trying to crawl up your leg and pull your pants down. Ah, the glory days…

While we may not have the time for all of that as often, I am here to share an easy and fast look that will have you feeling HOT for that night out with the girls. I will share some tips that will cut down on time as well as an easy technique that will have you looking red carpet ready (or at least movie and dinner ready), not like you just pulled your kid out from under the couch!

This look will work with whatever you have in your makeup bag, you don’t need exactly what you see in the pictures. It really is an easy and versatile look!

Primer– You want to make sure you prime your face. It may seem like an extra step but it will help keep the makeup on your face longer and it will help your foundation apply more smoothly (erase those blemishes, girl!).

Foundation– I apply foundation with a beauty sponge for a couple of reasons. One, the beauty sponge can be used for foundation and concealer and powders. You won’t need to mess with dozens of brushes, thus saving you time! Two, it uses less product per use (which saves you money) and leaves you with a more seamless look.

You start off by soaking your beauty sponge in water and then squeezing out the excess. Next, you can put a few drops of foundation on the broad side of the beauty sponge or put it straight onto your face. Start off with a little bit so you don’t look cakey right off the bat. If you need more you can always add to it. Start off in the center of your face and work your way out. You want to apply the foundation on with soft tapping motions around your entire face. Don’t swipe or the foundation will look streaky and smeared on! #notcute

Concealer– Next, put a few swipes of concealer underneath the eyes (goodbye dark circles!) and on the high points of the face like down your nose, your chin, and the center of your forehead in between your eyebrows to lighten and brighten the look. You will then take the beauty sponge and buff out the area using the same technique mentioned above. We also set the concealed areas with a translucent powder so that it doesn’t crease as much while you wear it. Set it with the beauty sponge and use a big fluffy brush to softly brush off any excess powder.

Bronzer and Blush– Use a little bit of bronzer to create dimension and warm up your face. Brush a small amount in the hollows of your cheeks and temple areas. If you have a larger forehead, add some along the top of your forehead in the hairline area. Add some blush to your cheekbones for some color and then you can move on to your eyes!

 

 

Eyeshadow– This eye look is really easy and can be done with 3 shades and 2 brushes: one fluffy blending brush and a flat brush for the glitter (yes, glitter!).

You are going to want to prime your eye with a dot of concealer to start off. Then, you are going to pick a neutral color that you can brush all over your eyelid. This transition color will make the rest of your shadow blend more easily.

Next, you are going to pick a nice warm color to use on the crease of your eyelid. Start off with a little bit on the outer corner of your eye and with small circular motions brush it along the crease of your eyelid. You want to begin with a small amount of product to build to the intensity desired.

Once you’ve finished with the warm color, pick up a flat brush and dampen it with a few drops of water. This will allow the brush to apply the shimmery color with a bit more intensity. When you apply the shimmery color make sure that you pat the brush onto your eyelid otherwise it’ll smear everywhere.

Make sure there are no harsh lines by grabbing the fluffier brush and softly blending the edges where the shimmery color meets the darker color. Curl those lashes, pop on some mascara and gloss and voila!

Don’t you hate it when you get mascara on your face?! We were able to clean it off!

 

Wanna be extra? Highlight!!!

And there you have it, a lovely look that won’t take long to achieve. Stay sexy, mamas!

Special thanks to my lovely model (and sister!) who followed these steps and looked bangin’! Follow her on Instagram @cristi-sarai

If you liked this tutorial, let us know so we can add different looks (we love playing with makeup)!

Life With a 9 Month Old

I have been so busy lately that I feel like I don’t even get to sit down and write anymore! It makes me so sad because I feel like writing helps me process my feelings and thoughts and it gives me time to think through some of the situations that happen to me on a daily basis and create a plan of response. As a New Year’s resolution, I am trying to take some time away to be able to sit and write. About whatever! I was trying to think of really interesting things to write about because OH MY GOD IT’S A BLOG AND EVERYTHING I WRITE HAS TO BE SOME AMAZING AND MEANINGFUL POST. Stupid, I know. So from now on I am going to try to write about whatever I feel I need to put down “on paper” at the moment.
Anyway, moving on…
Life with a 10 month old is SO FUN! I was able to spend 2 weeks with him while I was on Christmas Break from work and the amount of growth that my boy made was amazing! There’s teething, crawling, standing, and communication happening all at once.
Teething has been pretty rough on our little guy. He got his two bottom teeth in a couple of months ago and now all four of his top teeth are wanting to push through and he is not comfortable at all! My husband and I bought these single use swabs and they seem to help. It’s Orajel, just not in a tube so it cuts down on messes and is easier to apply to the baby’s gums. If you have never tried them and are curious if it will work on your little one here is the link:

https://www.target.com/p/baby-orajel-teething-swabs-12-45-pk-46/-/A-10963129
We are also putting some essential oils in a diffuser for him at night so that we can provide him with the most comfortable sleeping environment we can. We got our as a gift and so far it works very well in his room! Here is the link for that in case anyone is interested:

Over the last weeks our little one has become a little zoomer in our house. We have had to reinforce our home with gates and straps and covers. I’ve scanned the house and had to ask myself, What could my little trasvieso get into when I am not watching? (Travieso means a mischievous person in Spanish, p.s. I am bilingual!) My husband and I are trying to find a balance between OVER baby-proofing and baby-proofing a safe amount. I don’t want so many things in my house that it hinders me from being able to do what I need to do, like, I am not going to bolt every little thing down and wrap it all in bubble wrap. I do, however, want to make sure things are sturdy and safe, as he is leaning on everything to try and walk around. This is my motto, Safe, but not too safe. Haha! Do you think that’ll catch on?!

The most fun, in my experience has been the communication. I have been amazed at how naturally I can understand what my baby wants to tell me. From asking for more food to arguing with me when I tell him to stop turning the Xbox on and off constantly. His communication style is such a big part of who he is as an individual and I am loving getting to know him in that way.

Becoming a mama has completely changed how time moves for me. It is a whirlwind now that I look back even though sometimes (on those long nights) it is moving at a snail’s pace and I think he’ll never get to sleep. 9 months? More like 9 seconds! And 9 years. Fast and slow, highs and lows, this mama is having a blast on this roller coaster/lazy river ride of motherhood.

Why Millennial Dads Rock

A coworker and I were pulling into the parking lot at the same time and I asked her where her baby was. She responded, “She’s at home with her daddy today.” And I laughed and said, “So is my baby! Who would have thought the women would be at work and the men would be at home with the children?” And that thought has stuck with me for a couple of days. This generation of parents have really made parenting their own thing. Millennials, especially the men, have been stereotyped in the media as soft, lazy, and lacking common sense. And like all stereotypes, it’s not true for everyone. The millennial fathers in my life are all strong, hard-working men that are not easily swayed from their beliefs and values. While millennials get a lot of hate, I am here to tell you why millennial dads are the greatest.

1. They don’t let labels get in the way of parenting.

While this wasn’t the case in every home, for the most part in the past, mothers and fathers had very clear roles inside the family unit. The men were in charge of the home’s finances and the women were in charge of the children. That is not the case anymore. Men are regularly going on play dates and taking daddy-daughter dance lessons. They are making dinner for their families and helping with the dishes afterwards. They realize that groceries need to be bought and laundry needs to be put away and it doesn’t really matter who does it.
2. They are staying home with their children.

Like I mentioned earlier, who would have thought that the fathers would be at home with the children while the mothers went to work? It just didn’t happen that often. But in today’s society, we are seeing fathers at home with their children on a regular basis. This is awesome for me because I don’t have to take him to daycare when I go to work. I know that my husband will be home and he and our son will spend some quality time together.

3. They’re involved. 

You’ve seen videos and pictures of new dads changing their baby’s diapers, giving their children baths, and potty training their sons and daughters. Millennial dads help with homework and go to parent teacher conferences. I’ve personally had my husband let me sleep through the night so I could get some rest while he woke up every time the baby needed something. Millennial dads are actively taking a bigger part in the upbringing of their children.

4. They are a true support system in a marriage.

Millennial dads get it. They understand that both parents work hard (whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working-in-an-office mom) and that it’s better to support each other instead of expecting things from each other. They understand when you’ve had a bad day and need a break. They sit and listen and give advice and, in my case, ground us and show us what’s really important in life. They see you as an individual with personal goals, not just as “Mom” and want to help you reach them. They appreciate that those goals are what makes a person well-rounded and see that the realization of them will only better wellness of the family unit.

Millennial dads have shown the world that they’re prepared to roll up their sleeves and get down and dirty with parenting.

A Letter to My Loved Ones

Dear friends and family,

I know since the birth of my baby I have been MIA. I know that we used to hang out all the time and that you could usually give me a call and we could set a date and meet up and I would always be there. And I know that has not been the case as of late.

Plans have to be made weeks in advance and most of the time those plans have to revolve around the baby. Baby friendly places, baby friendly times, and it all boils down to how the baby has been doing (napping, eating, etc.). And sometimes I flake. I feel like a bad friend when that happens. I feel like some of you may think that I use the baby as an excuse to not go somewhere. But I hope you know that that is not what’s happening at all. 

When the hubby and I got married we decided not to have kids right away because we wanted it to be just the two of us for a little while. We wanted to be able to go out with our friends whenever we wanted and stay out until whenever we wanted. We also knew when the time came to start our family that freedom was going to go. We wanted to be completely invested in our baby.

This by no means is an announcement of me disappearing forever, I understand I need time away for myself. I understand that it not only helps my well-being but the well-being of my family. But, for now at least, it won’t be like before. 

I hope you all know I’m still here and I still love you. I also hope you know you are all more than welcome to hang at my house or come to the activities that we go to. 

I love this new journey I’m on and I know that you all will be a part of that new normal.

With love,

Janeth ❤

The Pumping Mama

It’s been a few weeks since my last blog post and that’s because I started work again! If anyone out there is a fellow teacher, you understand the madness of the back-to-school season. Getting back into a routine is tough and getting back into it after being home with an infant is tougher! 

Before I went back to school I knew that I would need to get a couple of things squared away in order for me to be as successful as I could be as a new mama joining the world of adults once again (sort of, I spend most of my day with 8 year olds). One of those things was pumping. I exclusively breastfeed my son and I was going to continue to do so even after I went back to work. I was nervous though because while other mamas can just lock their office doors and take the needed time to pump I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do that. I wouldn’t be able to leave 30 eight year olds by themselves or expect my teammates to watch two classes multiple times a day all year long. What I did know was that I was going to need to figure something out. What was a mama to do?

I talked to my village and the answer was quite clear: be clear about your needs and do not be ashamed about having those needs. My fears were that I would be compared to the other mothers that I worked with and that I would be made to do what they did; and if they were doing something I wasn’t they wouldn’t be willing to work with me. I decided to send that e-mail stating what would work best for my son and I and I waited. I had so much anxiety about that response! The response came the next day from administration telling me that of course they understood and that of course they would be willing to work with me. Hallelujah! 

A few weeks into it and we are all finding our groove when it comes to people coming in and covering for me while I go do what I feel is the very best for my baby. If I wouldn’t have reached out and expressed my specific needs to my team and administration, who knows how I would be doing right now. I would be having more trouble trying to figure it out by myself, of that I am quite sure. I had to find my voice because it’s not just me I speak for now, I’m the voice for my son as well and if I don’t speak up for him, who will?

The Picture Perfect Mama

I saw some mommy friends this week and as we were visiting we talked about some of our experiences of being first time moms. I realized that we had a lot of the same issues and fears in regards to our babies. I didn’t know this until I actually sat down to talk to them. I didn’t think they had any of the worries I had. We follow each other on social media and it looked like they had it all together. I would have never guessed that my experiences were also their experiences.

 

You see it everywhere and all the time. That mom who has her kids perfectly groomed and dressed in the cutest most fashionable clothes all the time. She makes great dinners every night with the correct servings of all of the recommended food groups. She bakes cookies from scratch for the new neighbors. She is so crafty, making the most amazing Christmas decorations out of mason jars and burlap. Her house always look pristine. Her hair is perfectly done and she wears a full face of gorgeous makeup even when at home. We all know that mom that seems to have it all together. The  mom that has set the bar for the rest of us. And we sit there envying her and wanting to be her all at the same time. The Pinterest Perfect mom.

“In our minds, we have created a model of a strong mother and somewhere along the line we decided that strength translates into perfection.”

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we categorize ourselves into the “good moms” and “hot mess moms”? Aren’t we all on the same team, trying to do what is best for our families?  We want and teach our kids to be true to themselves and that nobody is perfect. So why do we try so hard as mamas to hide what we perceive as flaws? As weakness. In our minds, we have created a model of a strong mother and somewhere along the line we decided that strength translates into perfection. And we beat ourselves up when we don’t meet that model of strength. I tell myself that I want to lead my children by example. So I have to let go of all the labels and perceptions of what a good mom is supposed to be like and let them see me be me. A mama that has anxiety but doesn’t let that get in the way of being a hard worker. A mama that can be there for the ones she loves and also allows herself to lean on loved ones for support. An individual navigating through life knowing that it won’t always be picture perfect. My kid doesn’t need a “good mom”. They need me to be my best regardless of what the other moms seem to be doing.  

 

What can we do to keep it real? Social media plays a part in putting forward only our best selves. I don’t think this is done on purpose, we want to share the good of our lives with family and friends and I believe that we inadvertently create a facade that we share with others of what life is like on a daily basis. A picture tells a thousand words but those words don’t always hold the whole truth. We should talk out loud about our fears, insecurities, and imperfections to people we trust. Whether it be husbands, girlfriends, mommy forums, or anyone else that we consider to be part of our village. No one wants to share the rough parts of motherhood. We want to show that we’ve got it all together. We want to be seen as super moms. But we ARE super moms, with our 4 day old messy bun and our naked kids and our takeout and our piles of dirty laundry.  We are imperfect. We are flawed. We are super. We are good.

The Working Mama

I got a taste of the good life. The stay-at-home mom life. How I love that life! But soon, too soon, this mama has to go back to work and I am wrestling with all of the emotions that hit all moms that wish they could stay home instead of going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. I’m a teacher. I’m staying at the same school for the first time in my career and that is exciting. I am starting at a new grade level, which is also exciting. I like the people I work with and being a teacher, I feel, allows me to have a set schedule to keep a routine at home. But it doesn’t even come close to the joy I have experienced while staying at home with my baby boy. I have some fears about being a working mom. Can I put 100% of myself into both areas of my life? Will I lose it that first day that I leave my son to go to work? Can I handle it?

I was extra spoiled when we had our son in April. My maternity leave ran into summer break. I got THREE WHOLE MONTHS with my baby at home. THREE. Three months of setting a routine at home; of cleaning, laundry, dinners, and every other little thing you do on daily basis when home full-time. I got good at it and now I ask myself, how will do this after coming home from a 12 hour day? How will I get the laundry done and get the floors swept and dinner on the table and still have time to play and enjoy my baby?

I also worry about going back to work. Being a teacher, in my opinion, takes a little extra out of you in comparison to other occupations. You give the best of yourself to get 30 little people to trust you, to listen to you, to learn from you. Teaching brings out a special kind of exhaustion from you at the end of the day. On some days, you are not only drained physically but emotionally. You feel your students’ highs and lows and struggles. For some students, you are Mom. You are the only person that gives them love and attention and shows them kindness. And while it is hard to do, teachers do it with gladness. I do it with gladness. But I worry because those days are hard and when I would get home I could ignore the chores and eat cereal for dinner and veg out on the couch and now when I have those days I feel like I won’t be able to do any of that.

I think my anxiety gets the better of me when things don’t get done around the house. I haven’t gone back to work yet and I am already stressing about the things I know I won’t be able to get to every day like I can now. I know it’s not that big of a deal if the dishes don’t get done but try telling that to my anxiety! I want to be the mom that has it all together but as I write this I’m thinking to myself, does that mom even exist? Do I have unrealistic expectations for myself in this new role of being a working mama?

While staying at home would be the greatest thing ever, I know that it is just not possible for my family right now. I am working on not dwelling on the fact that I won’t see my baby all day long like I have been. Returning to work is going to be a really hard thing for me to do. I am just going to take it one day at a time and have faith. I have faith that my little family will create a new routine. I have faith that when those hard days come I will find a new way to cope. I have faith that I will find my new happy as a working mama.

5 Things I Felt My First Night After Giving Birth

So, this isn’t my birth story, I need more time to work that out. But I did want to share a few things I experienced the first night I spent with my baby boy.  A few of these I was aware of and others… not so much.

I was itchy.

Like, really itchy. Once I got in my room and we were all settled in I started to feel a tingling sensation on my face. It wasn’t bad at first, it felt like a little itch on my chin. So I scratched. Then I started to feel it all over my face. So I kept scratching. When my nurse came in, she explained to me that itchiness was a side effect of my epidural and it would eventually go away. But I couldn’t stop scratching my face! My husband got me a cool, damp rag to put on my face to try to help but it only felt like it was helping if I squeezed out the cold water on to my face constantly. I ended up scratching my face raw that night. I didn’t know it would be so bad!

I had pain.

DUH. It sounds sort of stupid to write about it but I’m not really talking about my c-section pain. Once I was in my room, my nurse came in periodically to push on my stomach to check how my bleeding was doing and it was pretty painful! I didn’t know that they were going to do that, so that is really why I am sharing this part of my experience.

I was super emotional.

I would look down at my baby and just start crying. I would be sitting in my bed and watch my husband sleep on the couch and I would start crying. I would be thinking about what I had just gone through and I would start crying. I know it was because of all of the hormones and fatigue and I knew to expect it and I thought I would be fine but I was a sobbing mess! It was okay though, it felt good to get it out. It also felt good to just say what had made me cry out loud to my husband. We would talk through it and everything would feel normal again. Until I cried again!

The hunger was REAL.

Oh man, was it real. Especially when I was breastfeeding. As soon as he would start feeding I felt the need to stuff all of the food in the room in my face. It was the weirdest feeling! I can’t tell you how many snacks I downed that night. It felt like nothing satisfied the hunger, either. I probably could have eaten all the food in the cafeteria if I had the chance.

The thirst was also real.

I couldn’t get enough water. It felt so good to drink a big cup of ice water. Again, it was pretty intense during breastfeeding. It felt like I probably drank a couple gallons of it that night.

That night, to say the least, was full of new experiences for me. Full of pain and snacks and ice water and tears and joy. Best night ever.

The Mom Club

I feel I speak for a lot of first time mamas out there when I say, “WHOA” in regards to the amount of emotions that come with being inducted into, what for now I will be calling, The Mom Club.  This club that I would eventually want join but, like a lot of women, unsure of when that time would come. That time ultimately came and before I knew it I was on my way to membership.

I had spent so much time trying to calculate when it would be best to become a mom. People told me, “You’ll never be ready! Just go for it”, to which I would respond, “Oh yes I can be!”.  I had it all planned out. I wanted to be done with college and be settled in my career. I wanted to make sure I was financially stable. I wanted to be at a strong and stable point in my relationship with my husband. I wanted to have everything under control. But when they put that little boy on my chest, I discovered that all of my years of “getting ready” had been thrown out the window. I now understood why people said that I would never be ready.

Motherhood is unlike anything else in life. It isn’t like preparing for a career, or organizing accounts, or working with a partner to achieve a goal. It isn’t about being prepared in the traditional sense of the word. When motherhood happens, it comes hard and fast. It has been the single most difficult and wonderful and exhausting and exhilarating moment of my life; and because there really is no way to prepare for it can be tough to navigate through.

That is why I am starting this blog. To have a place to work out the feelings that come with being called the grandest of titles- Mom. A place to share my honest thoughts and  ideas, my struggles and victories, and any other things I have yet to experience. I want to get advice and hopefully give some too. A place to look back on years from now and tell my kid(s), “This is what was on my mind and in my heart as you lay swaddled next to me those late nights”.

Welcome to the Mom Club.